I am writing to understand and remember

Saturday- an experiment

I invited two friends to listen to parts of the conversation I had with Tomas Tengby, and talk about it. I was mostly curious if they would find the conversation, or listening to the conversation, interesting. To me the conversation we had was great in the sense that Tomas gave me a lot of input. I got new perspectives, and I liked the perspectives he formulated. But would that work for my friends? First I played a 20 minutes long part. After a couple of minutes one of them asked me to stop- they wanted to discuss what had been said. Three minutes later one of them wanted me to stop it again. And discuss- they where discussing mainly what Tomas is saying (since he is the one talking), and I triedto keep my moth shot, but nodded my head to make them continue. I know these two, my friends, and I know they love to discuss. And in a way that was what I was expecting, but at the same time it made it hard to continue to play up the conversation at times because they wanted to continue the discussion. One “problem” is that one of them do not like Tomas (it turned out, I did not know), and there where several “attacks” on what Tomas is saying. Through the 20 minutes, then a 10 minutes (where I tell them they can pause and discuss at any point), and then three 5 minutes (where they are not allowed to interrupt), they become more and more frustrated with what Tomas is saying. But it is clearly several elements that plays in here. Tomas is talking to a person (me) who hardly give him any critique, or resistance- because I felt mostly that I understood what he meant. But when hearing my two friends get a very different understanding on it, I became insecure if I really understood what he was saying? Because I don’t give Tomasany resistance he does not explain what he means to any deeper point- and my friends are criticising him without him being able to explain, or being precise on what he is saying. I told my friends how I understood it, and we ended up having engaging discussions - almost too many of them- the hole experiment took two and a half hour, before I made them dinner as a thank for participating. One of my friends pointed out one thing very important- that it makes a huge difference how you listen to this kind of conversation. He was listening carefully, memorizing the themes in the conversation- because he felt he had to be ready to discuss it. This was not my intention- sure, to continue an discussion is a good thing, but it was mostly to see if there was of any interest at all. Second, if the conversation you listened to spark a new conversation/discussion/thought- it is great. My friend claimed that it was very different if you listened to it at home- alone, in thesetting we where in, or if you fond a Cd on the street. I am starting to see a huge theme arise; expectations.

11.00 - 13.00: Preparing the exact parts of the conversation to listen to. Buying ingredients and preparing dinner.

16.30 - 21.00: Listening to conversation, discussing it, making and eating dinner and continue discussing.

In total: 6 hours 30 minutes.